dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
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