we have pet lesbian snakes
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.