i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??