I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
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