You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.