he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
