Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
