woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
