that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
