I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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