white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
