i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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