I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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