Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
