they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
