Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
