you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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