No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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