saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
