and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Randomize
