it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
