Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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