I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
