At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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