I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
