"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
you're hired as official boob wrangler
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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