She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
