remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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