I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
