its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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