***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
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He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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