dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
so much tequila, so little girl.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
