Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
