He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
