No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
