4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
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