he was CRYING into my vagina
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
