It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
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