I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
