her vagina looked like bernie madoff
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Randomize
