You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
