I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
