Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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