It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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