just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize