Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Randomize
