Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
you made out with another girl for some wings
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
