i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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