Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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