Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
