Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
