i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
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He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
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So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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