god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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