You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
