Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
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