my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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