She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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