A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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