i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Randomize
