he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Randomize
