I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
