I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
