So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
