omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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