but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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