I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
