You can't special order awesome
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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