worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Randomize
