Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
