My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
